Balance

It seems like just yesterday we welcomed in 2018. Now we are more then halfway through January, and I am already exhausted. I had planned on doing a post that first week on 2018, but that didn’t happen. Instead it took being sick for me to actually make a post.

It has been a crazy semester already, and we only just finished the second week of classes. So far, I’ve gotten a new computer, started training for two major athletic events, taken a major step towards my dream career, and found out that I get to travel internationally this summer for ten days. Needless to say, it has been crazy, but all of it I would do over again if needed.

Balance.

That seems to already be my word for this year. Finding the balance of work, school, and play seems to be a good goal for the year.

I have the tendency to take on anything that someone asks of me, and while I’ve gotten better at saying no to things, I still say yes to too many things. Not all of it is bad, but it is important to figure out what things that are good are becoming something bad. I like to be busy, but at the same time, it shouldn’t take me not feeling well to take some time to myself to relax and refocus on what is important.

Balance is going to be difficult, I already know it. I have so many exciting things coming up, but some things might need to be put on the backburner for the time being to either give me some extra time or to let me focus more on what I really want.

A good example of this is applying to grad school. With my graduation fast approaching in May, a lot of people around me were pushing for me to look at grad school as my next step. I know that everyone means well, but I let the pressure get to me. I decided that I was going to apply to grad school. I found a program I sorta liked and began to convince myself that this was the best option. But on top of grad school, I was also moving forward with applying for a job that come to find out is actually my dream job. When the day came that I found out that I got to take the next step towards that dream job, all I could think about was that job. Finishing my grad school application became more of a chore than something I actually wanted to do.

I realized that I was applying to grad school because it is what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. I had people who mean a lot to me telling me that grad school was the only option, but I held a letter in my hand that told me something very different. Something that is important to know about me is the fact that I hate to disappoint people. I want to make my entire family proud, but I knew that most importantly I need to follow what I feel like is what God called me to do. I have a desire to help people and to be a tangible source of hope the God promises people. In order to do that, I needed to put grad school on the backburner.

What I want to do after school has changed several times, but the connecting thread to all of the ideas has been this desire to help people. I knew that in this moment following that desire was more important that what my extended family may think. I could become something without going to grad school. I could do my dream job without having the extra letters behind my name.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that the first lesson on balance that I learned this year, is balance what I want with what everyone is saying I should do. I don’t have to please anyone. I can do what I want, and I know that I will give 100% to my dream job and love it every step of the way. Grad school can wait, but helping people can’t.